In recent weeks Claire showed major interest in going potty, so I had her in training pants and decided to run with it. Well, needless to say, the diarrhea put a halt to that effort. But we are slowly getting that train back on track. There's nothing quite like trying to breast feed a baby with one hand and wipe a toddlers rear with the other! Potty-training is not fun, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and look forward to her independence in this arena.
Jim took a business trip in August as well, so I was single parent for 5 nights in the midst of our illnesses. It was a long and lonely week but we all made it through. My parents came down for a night with my niece Bixie who was visiting them, so that was loads of fun, plus it gave me a chance to run some errands by myself which quickly lifted my spirits.
Also in August, our house had a visit from the binky fairy. Maggie's binky was lost, somewhere in the house actually. After a few days, she declared, "Well, my binky is lost forever. I think the binky fairy should come tonight." So Jim and Maggie wrote a note to the binky fairy (while I frantically ran to the neighborhood Kroger to buy a toy) and Maggie drew a picture of her bink. We tucked the note in a box and set it on her dresser. The next morning, the note was gone and a tiny Tinkerbell doll was left in it's place. An excited Maggie, hurried downstairs that morning to introduce Tinkerbell to all the other princesses in the house. The initial adjustment to no bink was easy, but the past few days have been harder for Maggie. She has been waking in the middle of the night and having trouble putting herself back to sleep. So I've been teaching her about deep breathing, and trying some guided imagery to help her relax. I'm hoping lots of love and snuggles, along with praise for putting herself to sleep will help her navigate this transition.
In addition to fighting the bug the girls had, I have recently been diagnosed with asthma. In an attempt to get that under control, I've tried all sorts of new medications and inhalers. Unfortunately, some of these drastically effected my milk supply. I have never had an issue with my supply before, so this has been weighing heavily on my mind. Of course, all advice I find online or in books says, "If your supply is low, just lay around with your baby and nurse all day." Um, sure. 'Cause that's so easy to do with two older siblings who need constant attention. I have been nursing often and taking some supplements so things are improving on that front.
Another example of my post-pregnancy immune system going hay-wire is my recent development of food allergies. We were at the pool this summer and I took a bite of the girls' kiwi, which tasted very funny. Within ten minutes, I had tingling in my throat and was vomiting in the bath house of the pool. Blood testing revealed additional allergy to tree nuts, which I have never liked, so that's not really an issue. My doctor prescribed an epi pen and informed me that if I have a reaction like that again I need to take the epinephrine and call 911. This development has caused lots of anxiety for me - what else could I possibly allergic to that I've never reacted to in the past, like the kiwi? What happens if I have a reaction while I'm home alone with the girls?
Fears like these occupy a lot of my mind. On the plus side, I'm loosing weight with all this!
It is after difficult patches like these when I often get reflective. I think of my grandmother who had 10 children, no washing machine and a husband who, I can only assume because of the generation he was a product of, was not "hands-on" like mine is. She did it, she survived, and raised some pretty successful people in the process.
I think of my cousin Jeanne-Marie, whose husband traveled weekly throughout their 25 year marriage. Earlier this month, at the tender age of 50, she lost her fight against brain cancer leaving behind four children, the youngest still in high-school. She loved her family fiercely. She was involved in her church community and passionate about her beliefs. She lived every last day to the fullest.
These women are inspiration in their own way. I am not looking for a medal for what I do. I choose to stay home with my children and consider myself fortunate enough to do so. But three kids under age 4 is hard work! It is exhausting, redundant, and mind-numbing at times. So often, modern motherhood seems to be a competition where everyone tries to one-up the next person. Where we are all "Keeping Up with the Joneses" and projecting perfection (especially in the blogosphere). I am far from perfect. I loose my patience, get crabby, doubt my decisions, and can sometimes develop a martyr complex.I am doing the best I can, one day at a time. Trying to treasure the special moments, however infrequent they are. Trying to remember the big picture. I am trying to be in the present moment, to live honestly, and love fully. For this is the only life I have!
