Anticipation

I am 35 weeks pregnant today...rounding third and heading for home. It takes a long time to grow another human being. Some days I feel like I've been pregnant forever and can't wait for the baby to be here. Other days, I'm not quite ready for the sleep deprivation and routine shake-up that comes with a newborn. I've spent a lot of time this past week studying the calendar, wondering when this little one might arrive. At this point, it's more out of curiosity and a hope that I'll go early like I did with the girls. I'm not far enough along where every night when going to bed you wonder, "Will it be tomorrow?" That phase comes later.

Bringing new life into the world is really one of God's greatest gifts, and mysteries. There's the primary question of gender, which always keeps me guessing. I've thought "girl" all along, but had a boy dream the other night and have recently recognized that I'm carrying differently than I did with the girls. The miracle of two tiny cells coming together to form another being is quite mind-boggling, if you think about it. I marvel at the fact that from two cells, everything knows what to become. Without my doing a single thing, the cells that will become the heart, go and make a heart. The brain, arms, lungs and eyes all know exactly what to do, what to become. Talk about surrender - the entire process is out of my control. I'm merely the chosen vessel.

As term nears, I begin to wonder what this labor will be like. I know women whose labor got easier with each subsequent pregnancy. I know a woman whose 3rd birth was the most difficult. There was almost a "night and day" difference in Maggie and Claire's labors, it's nearly impossible to conceive what this one will be like. Yet, I still find myself imagining different birth scenarios - thinking I can somehow predict the unknown with the power of my mind. Yes, every pregnancy and labor is different, just like every child is unique. Some things are for certain though, there will be contractions and transition and crowning. And (God-willing) after that, a healthy new person will join our family.

Who will that person be and what will his/her final journey into the world look like? Only God knows the answer to that. May S/He grant me patience as I wait.